If there were no anger what would you be feeling ? I had never thought about it like that before. That one statement hit me hard and in that instant I could see what the anger really was for me. What anger had been doing for me all these years .
Anger is the great Lie the great mask. It can and does blot out all other feelings. Feelings of hurt, regret, sadness, and longing all blotted out by anger. Battling anger head on, Has never worked. I cannot put out a fire with fire. For me it has to be a choice. A choice to let anger free and see what is below it. To feel what is there . What have I let anger mask for so many years. Feelings of Loss, Hurt , Betrayal, abandonment, A deep sadness all there, waiting and hoping to be felt and expressed. Waiting and longing to be free. To become the impermanent phenomena that they are.
Through my own aversion to these feelings I have bound them to myself for so many years. Years of the same cycle. The same walk, down the same street, falling into the same hole when I know it is there. For years I felt there was no choice this was not correct view. With one simple statement years of anger had been put into the correct light for me to see, what it truly is and was and has allowed me the choice to let it go. To experience it for what it is and truly find the root. To truly feel and not to push away things that are unpleasant. To be with what is and to be ok with it.