Sangha

Buddha, Dharma , Sangha The three jewels  and man are they the three jewels for a reason. I say this because I am often reminded of this fact. Take Sangha I started out in the Theravada school of Buddhism. It is what first made since to me. I liked this idea of shutting up sitting down and meditating to uncover and clear away the delusion from my heart.  I liked the fact at least from my limited view at the time that there was not a lot of ritual in it. There was a lot of emphasis on quiet meditation and the four noble truths and the eight fold path. I had a few friends that where of the Vajrayana school. I often would go to The Sakya monastery in Seattle to meditate and do Chenrezi practice. Never really committing to being one school of Buddhism or another, To me Dharma is Dharma it all came from one source there are just many different roads to the same ends. Or so I thought time went on and I kept up with the Sakya I really enjoyed the chanting, the … Continue reading

Freedom If you want it

Growing up the way I did left me angry and bitter at the whole world around me. The survival skills I had adopted not only kept people who would hurt me away. They also cut off any help that would come my way. It was constantly not what I felt I needed or wanted. I always ended up trying to depend on them too much or demanding total control.

Time and time again I would smack people’s hands away. Eventually people stopped trying to help. That only fueled me more. ” How dare they not help me! Cant they see I am in pain ? Why won’t you help me ? ” It was a constant game of screaming ” Everyone just leave me alone!!” Anyone? Hello ?” A constant cycle of me pushing people away and then blaming them for leaving. It was a lonely miserable existence but one of my own making. Sure I did not get the ball rolling that was my early experiences in life’s job. However I am the one who chose to keep it rolling. Time and time again I would Alienate all … Continue reading

My life with Ani Difranco

 

Let me start out this by saying. I have always listened to Ani Difranco. Growing up in the area I did every ooh rah chick I knew listened to Ani as some kind of Affirmation of being a strong women. Me being a man, I did feel a little odd listening to Ani and enjoying it as much as I did. No big deal however I was ok with this.

It was not until the end of a particularly rough five year relationship with a girl. A relationship that had been rough due to my own actions and inability to change them at the time. See I had this habit of putting anything and everything in my body and treating everybody and anybody who gave a shit about me like dog shit. Ya weird habit I know. After five years of this you can see why she would want to move on to someone who actually treated her like a human being. Much less someone who was actually nice to her and knew how to express love. So there I was alone again and feeling oh so sorry … Continue reading

Reflections

In the ten years I have really been a committed practitioner of the dharma. I say it like this because most of my life I have been a Pseudo follower of the dharma but never really wanted to give up any of my shiny Samsaric Distractions drugs, sex, and alcohol you name it I liked it and wanted to keep it. So ten years ago I was at the end of my rope. I had truly hit bottom my life looked very close to a demilitarize zone and there was a lot of suffering. I had a moment of clarity where I saw things as they really where and I decide to make a change. I got sober.

Sobriety presented me with a new challenge I had to come to believe that there was something out there greater than me then I had to allow this conception of a higher power to guide my life. This was no small feat but with the help of guys who had done it before me and step work this came. At first I used my mother’s conception of a higher power as … Continue reading